I drink to you

My grandmother recently passed away. So recently we haven’t even had a funeral yet.  It’s a little tough for me- I never had a very strong connection to her.  I’m not really sure how I’m supposed to feel right now.  For a while, I wasn’t very fond of her at all, but eventually any bad feelings I felt towards her were replaced by sympathy.  She had Alzheimer’s, so I guess this is sort of a mercy.  We’re not sure what it was that killed her, we think cancer, but whatever it was it was much, much quicker than the Alzheimer’s would have been.  I don’t think she was a very happy person anyway, but I think that she was also unhappy and confused in the end.  I really hope it’s better this way.

I was told that when she passed there were loved ones singing songs, and that it was very peaceful.  For that, I am very glad.

After the funeral we’re going to have some food and a drink.  It’s fitting for her, since I think that’s what she’d want to go do if she were with us and still well.

On my own though, I plan to have my own drink for her.  A cup of tea.

A few Christmases ago, when she was definitely showing signs of Alzheimer’s, but still kind of remembered me, she gave me two very nice tea cups.  They are from two different sets, but I think they’re quite nice.  I’m sure that mom had something to do with her choosing them as a gift, so I should thank her for that too, but I’m also sure that the intention was really there from Grandma to give something nice.  She said they were very valuable.  I’m not really sure if this is true, and I don’t really care.  Even if they were worth thousands, (and I’m sure that they aren’t with a few chips in the gold trim and all) I don’t want to think about my possessions as being valuable because of their monetary worth, rather than sentimental worth.  Actually, I don’t even want too many items with sentimental worth either, but that’s another story.

I think these cups might be the last gift she gave me while she still knew my name.  So I’m going to have some tea.  Maybe a cup of tea with the first ancestor that I actually know about would be a good thing.  I’ll make a cup for her too.